The words “parenting” and “relaxing” never fit together naturally for me as a father. And with all of the pressures weighing on me right now — debt, bills, and rising prices — they had drifted even further apart. They went from being quarrelsome siblings to two completely different people living on opposite sides of the world. This disconnect had always seemed natural to me, though, especially when I reflected on what Scripture had to say about laziness and sloth.
But I had made an all-too-common mistake. I had been focused on just one aspect of what I read, while ignoring something equally as important: Giving glory to God through relaxing.
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The example of St. Joseph
My idea of being a good father, and husband, entailed being a good provider. Any minute I took away from working, I felt like I was falling behind in these roles. This inability to relax got to the point where it would even interfere with me spending time with my family. I would be there physically, but mentally I was nowhere to be seen. My wife and daughter could see it, too — as quickly as the joy of seeing me there would wash over them, their smiles would turn serious.
I would beat myself up about it, but to me it was just a natural sacrifice I had to make. I never imagined St. Joseph — a saint I always looked up to — relaxing. And if he, as a righteous man, didn’t relax, then certainly honoring God could never be associated with taking some down time. St. Paul’s succinct words, that “if anyone was unwilling to work, neither should that one eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10), only solidified my distorted view.
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Relaxation versus laziness
But I was wrong. Because there’s relaxing, and then there’s being lazy. Growing up, I never took the time to understand the difference between the two. To me, even when I was relaxing, I felt like, at the core, I was still embracing laziness — a sin abhorrent to God (Proverbs 18:9). But there is a difference when it comes to honoring our heavenly father.
The fourth commandment tells us to keep holy the Sabbath. I understood the work and relaxation part, but what did the key word “holy” actually mean? The dictionary defines it as “exalted or worthy of complete devotion,” and herein lies the answer: God gave us the gift of relaxation to rejuvenate us, so we can give complete devotion to him through praying, giving thanks, and appreciating what he has given us.
It is my role as a father to provide for my wife and daughter, but at the end of the day, my family is a gift given to me. I should be taking the time to admire the beauty of this, and, most importantly, I should remember that all of my gifts come from God.
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God’s role in the fruit of your labor
Imagine for a second that you give your child a new toy, which they really love, but then they immediately start worrying about losing it. Soon, it gets to the point where they can’t even enjoy playing with it at all — they become totally preoccupied with making sure they don’t lose it, while not even realizing that you could simply take it away from them at any time. All the while, they haven’t even taken the time to thank you for the toy in the first place.
The same goes for relaxing. St. Paul wrote, “neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who causes the growth” (1 Corinthians 3:7). By worrying about my own efforts to the point where I can’t relax, I’m putting myself in a narcissistic role as the sole source of the fruits of my labor, when really it’s only God that makes them manifest in the first place. Through relaxing, we humbly give God his due grace and authority in everything around us, including our own work.
It’s a lot easier said than done when it comes to relaxing these days, even as a Catholic. Too often the stresses of this world cause us to spiritually yell out the words from the Gospel of Mark, “I do believe, help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24). But it’s important to try and remind ourselves, as often as we can, that relaxation is a gift from God. We shouldn’t take this gift for granted, or beat ourselves up about it; rather, we need to take advantage of it and give it purpose by glorifying him.
