I’ve always been a highly sensitive person. As a child, I would start crying if someone spoke to me in a slightly impatient tone or corrected me on anything. I was deeply disturbed and overwhelmed by conflict of any kind - whether in my friendships or the movies I watched. Getting to bed too late or feeling hungry for too long affected my moods very easily. When I grew into my teen years, I would still cry often and would tend to take things the wrong way in my interactions. I could perceive a very slight change in another person’s emotions and would question if I did something to upset this person.
Somewhere along the way, I began to hate this part of myself. I cringed at the memories of when I handled a situation poorly due to being sensitive or let my huge emotions dictate my responses. I felt a deep sense of shame when I reflected on moments where someone saw how emotional I was. I saw myself as weak, in many ways. Over time, I had the realization that the root of all this self-hatred and shame was due to one main factor: fear of rejection. Because I saw my sensitivity as a weakness - perhaps a message I absorbed from society or my genuine experiences of rejection - I came to see it as a doorway for people to walk out of my life.
In his book, “The Way of Trust and Love”, Fr. Jacques Phillippe says:
“I do a lot of listening and spiritual accompanying, and I have heard hundreds of people say ‘Father, I just can’t accept myself, I can’t bear the way I am.’ Often I have even heard: ‘I hate myself!’ This is the opposite of humility, of spiritual childhood. Being a child means accepting ourselves as we are. We know we have plenty of limitations and imperfections, but we don’t make a production of it and we don’t turn it into a major problem…We believe in this truth experienced by St. Paul: the power of God is shown forth in human weakness. We don’t get upset about our weaknesses, but accept them in all simplicity. That attitude is an extremely powerful way of attracting God’s grace (The Way of Trust and Love, pp. 45-46).
As a young adult, I had matured in certain ways handling my sensitivity but still struggled in some ways. Upon starting therapy, I came to discover the research of Dr. Elaine Aron, who talked about being Highly Sensitive as simply a trait - neither a negative or positive, but a physiological genetic trait that includes approximately twenty to thirty percent of the population. This information, along with helpful conversations with my therapist and parents, began a paradigm shift in my life: I started to see value in my sensitivity.
I noticed that my sensitivity gave me a great capacity to love. I especially noticed my sensitivity as a gift in my profession as a nurse. When I worked with elderly in my training, I noticed the quiet ones who were lonely and I was drawn to supporting them emotionally. I sensed the terror in a patient as they received a cancer diagnosis and squeezed their hand. I have especially noticed this strength in my work as a labour and delivery nurse over the past four years. I can often detect the difference between my patient needing emotional or directional support, space and independence, or reassurance, and can do my best to love them in the way that they need. While being sensitive requires us to grow in maturity in certain areas, it can also be a superpower in the realm of love!
These days, I am so grateful to Jesus for my sensitivity. I have learned practical ways to stay regulated and process my emotions when they feel big (usually pre-emptive actions such as simply going to bed early enough) but I have also learned how to channel my sensitive nature into practicing the art of love. Most importantly, however, I am learning that God has gifted each and every one of us a personality with various traits, weaknesses, and quirks. I believe He intentionally gives us our personalities because He is calling us to love others in a very specific, unique way that no one else can.
It is good for us to see the genuine areas of weakness in our personalities and make efforts to grow, but we must also explore how God might be calling us to love through how He made us. I love turning to my spouse, or to the Lord in prayer, to get a reality check on discerning where I need to grow in my personality and where I can love better. It is through our unique love that others will encounter Christ.
“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. -1 Peter 4:10-11, NIV
